The 4D Podcast: Acting ‘As If’

The 4D Podcast: Acting ‘As If’

In this episode of the 4D Human Being Podcast, Stephanie Kasen and Katie Churchman are talking about acting “as if.” Acting “as if” doesn’t mean you have to be fake or inauthentic. It’s about changing your behaviour or language and trusting that the feelings will follow. As long as your motivation is in the right place, and you stay connected to your truth, acting “as if” can help your goals become your reality. Just make sure you’re interested in changing yourself on the inside, not simply trying to change other people’s perceptions of you. So instead of “fake it until you make it” we like to say, “be it to become it.” Be the thing you want to be, start running before you can walk, and step into a new way of being and experiencing yourself and your life.

4D Leadership: So what do you do?

4D Leadership: So what do you do?

In this episode Philippa Waller is talking with Anna Melville-James about portfolio identity, or rather the ‘what do you do’ question.

Anna Melville-James has been a travel writer for 20 years, writing and editing on national papers and magazines. She also helped to set up the Daily Mail’s first ever travel website in 2001. These days she is also…a podcaster on women in business, a journalist with particular interest in later life, environmental issues and the English countryside, a copywriter for luxury brands and a professional face painter. Just to make things *really* confusing when she tries to explain what she does for a living. 

The question “What do you do?” has basically become synonymous with “Who are you?”  And it can be helpful way of quickly giving others a snapshot of who we are and what we do. But there’s also a dark side to introducing ourselves with this kind of shorthand: because labels can  lead to stereotypes. 

Taking back your personal power!

Taking back your personal power!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” 

 

– Marianne Williamson.

This article is all about helping you to take back your power by living in a more conscious, connected and creative way. By using our 4A’s method- awareness, acceptance, accountability, action- we help you to start to become aware of feelings of disempowerment; recognise language and actions that imply that you might be stepping into a victim role; take charge of your reactions; and consciously respond to situations in a way that best serves you. We don’t exaggerate when we say it can completely transform your experience of life. There are many things in life we can’t control: notably other people’s responses and behaviours. So, let’s start taking charge of what we can control: our response to the world. Take back your personal power and start playing the game of life…. your way.

 

 

Let’s imagine you just broke the record for highest sales targets in a year. Not only that, you’ve made more money in a month than the entire team made last year. Your boss calls you into his office. You presume it’s got something to do with a promotion or pay rise so you smile to yourself as you enter the room. As you sit down, your boss briefly congratulates you on your incredible sales results. He then segues on to your pay package going forward. Your base rate will stay the same and your commission will be cut by half. “What? … I made more money in a month than our sector made in a year?” “Yes” your boss replies, “and you’re also taking home more money than anyone else on the team. The commission structure is simply not serving the needs of the company.” You feel like you’ve been punched in the gut. In spite of all of your hard work and success you’re going to be the one that loses out. And you feel completely powerless in the situation. Or are you…?

This is a true example that comes from a long-term coaching client, who we’ll call ‘Sally’ for the purposes of this article. Upon leaving the office Sally felt completely powerless to change her situation. As we like to say at 4D, it felt like the world was “happening” to her.

Think of a situation in your own life, work or personal, in which you feel like you are a victim of someone or something. Join us as we walk through the 4A’s for taking back your personal power, so that you can “happen” to the world, in whatever situation the world throws at you.

 

1. Awareness

 

“I also came to realise that if people could make me angry they could control me. Why should I give someone else such power over my life?”

 

– Ben Carson.

For the first few days Sally spiralled through many emotions varying from anger to grief, ruminating over unhelpful thoughts that caused her distress. This emotional rollercoaster and feeling of “stuckness” left her feeing exhausted and sick. Becoming curious about your responses during challenging situations can help you to reduce suffering, sickness and stress. In Buddhism this is called the ‘second arrow’. The first arrow that hits you is the situation outside of yourself and is something that often you can’t control. The second arrow that follows is the turmoil you create for yourself, and is a direct result of your response to the situation. Take Sally’s situation for example: the first arrow comes when she realises her hard work is being rewarded with a pay cut. The second arrow- the suffering- comes when she tortures herself by asking “why me?” and staying stuck in a loop of “it’s not fair.” It’s so tempting and human to respond like this, however it also prevents us from moving forward.

 

We’d encourage you to give yourself time to feel and be with the pain and disappointment of the first arrow as grieving and feeling the feels is part of the process. At the same time, stay curious to the second arrow ‘stories’ of suffering that you might be adding on top of the situation.

Think back to the situation you picked for yourself. What stories are you telling yourself about what happened, how you were treated and what it says about you? These automatic thoughts give us insight into our default modes of operating. If we become more conscious of these default responses, by getting curious about our own experience, we can start to see how these patterns show up in our lives. Becoming aware of these deeply ingrained patterns gives us the power to shift away from second arrow behaviour, and enables us to re-shape them into a different, more constructive response.

Here are 2 ways of becoming more aware of unconscious stories and thought patterns:

 

 

1. Journaling

Journal what’s going on in the mind. Journaling is an excellent outlet for processing emotions and helps to increase self-awareness. University of Texas psychologist James Pennebaker believes that writing about stressful events helps you come to terms with them, acting as a stress management tool, thus reducing the impact of these stressors on your physical health. His research also suggests that regular journaling strengthens immune cells, called T-lymphocytes. If journaling doesn’t appeal why not dictate into your phone when on a walk or do a mind map on a flip-chart. There are loads of ways of doing this, so get creative! One way could be to divide a piece of paper into six sections… Life, love, money, work, family and hobbies or passions and journal or draw in each box.

 

2. Automatic Writing

Access your unconscious thoughts by allowing your pen to lead the way. The rules are as follows: pick a topic, set a timer for one minute and then keep your pen moving across the page (or your hands typing) until the time runs out. Try to write as quickly as possible! To quote Deborah Frances-White, author of The Guilty Feminist: “This method is a great way to establish your fears and low self-esteem points […] The scary thing about using this approach is that it may uncover your secret fears and insecurities. But while they stay hidden, you can never really confront them.” This exercise will make you aware of the automatic thoughts that are controlling you, and only then will you be able to take conscious control and focus on shifting them.

 

2. Acceptance

 

“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; It means understanding something is what it is, and that there’s got to be a way through it.”

 

– Michael J Fox

An important step in taking back your power is accepting what you can’t change. An expression that really resonates for us is “Resistance to what is, is the cause of all of our suffering.” Initially, Sally felt powerless to change her situation. She couldn’t force her boss to change his decision (legally or otherwise) because of several factors including the fact that it was his company and she’d been hired as an independent contractor. If she could go back in time she’d be sure to get the proper paperwork in place, as opposed to relying on word-of-mouth agreements and good old-fashioned ‘trust.’ But she couldn’t go back in time and she couldn’t move forward if she didn’t accept what is. Railing against the unfairness of the decision, keeps Sally stuck in her role of victim.

In your situation, is there some reality that you are pushing against that it’s time to accept? Consider the concept of radical acceptance, defined as “completely and totally accepting something from the depths of your soul, with your heart and with your mind.” This idea of accepting an unchangeable reality, brings to mind the Serenity prayer: “God grant me the wisdom to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” What can you accept in your situation that helps move you forward in your journey from victim to creator?

 

3. Accountability

 

Accountability adds momentum and drive to stages 1 and 2. This third step keeps us moving forward and enables us to keep learning and developing as human beings. We do this through curiosity and inquiry, in order to challenge limiting beliefs and unhelpful stories. A key question to ask yourself when you reach this stage is: What is my responsibility in bringing this situation to life? Stay self-reflective and curious about your own experience. What can you take from this experience that may help you in the future?

When Sally took ownership of her own mistakes, she was able let go, learn from and build on the situation. After reflecting on the situation, she was able to recognise the value in being upfront and clear around issues involving money.  As opposed to continually blaming herself about the issue, she accepted ‘what is’, held herself accountable and built on the situation by creating new behaviours. The key difference between self-blame and accountability is that the former keeps you fixed, and the latter invites forward movement.

Next time you catch yourself in what Mark Manson, author of “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***”, describes as a ‘thought tornado” try to notice when you use words like “ever” “always” “never”. In Sally’s case this might look like “I never get what I deserve” or “No matter what I do, I always end up the loser.” These words are often signs that we are in a cycle of self-blame. Once you become aware of this negative self-talk, you can start to challenge these thoughts. One way of doing this is by using Byron Katie’s 4 questions: 1. Is it true? 2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? 3. What happens when you believe that thought? 4. (And our favourite!) Who would you be without that thought? Katie encourages students to view this work as “a meditation practice. It’s like diving into yourself. Contemplate the questions, one at a time. Drop down into the depths of yourself, listen, and wait. The answer will meet your question.”

Victim status can be seductive and keeps us from taking responsibility for our own blocks. Often a victim story garners support and care-taking from others. Taking accountability for your part in bringing the situation to life, moves you away from victim status. “This unfairly happened to me, caused me a lot of pain and I’m powerless over it” becomes “what can I learn from this, how can I grow from this, and what can I do going forward to create a situation that better meets my needs.”

 

4. Action

 

“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.”

 

– George Bernard Shaw

What are you going to do? What are your action steps and when are you going to do them by? It doesn’t matter if these are tiny changes or big transformations: this step is about becoming the creator of your own life. However big or small the step forward, letting go of your focus on someone else and focusing on yourself and your own path forward promotes a sense of well-being.

Sally now describes the event as “the making of her” and considers it an unexpected silver lining. By using the 4A’s Sally was able to create a better situation for herself at work by taking responsibility for her part and convincing her boss going forward to put her compensation plan in writing. Interestingly, over time, Sally took even more control of her life and ultimately left that position to start her own business. We are pleased to say she is thriving!

Often when things don’t go our way, it can be an opportunity to make important changes in our lives. We’ve all had that experience in which we realise we never would have become the person we are if the event that seemed so painful at the time hadn’t happened. In your situation, what action steps can you take now that will start you on the path of becoming the creator of your life? 

At 4D we’re passionate about firing up the intentional dimension, what we call the 4th  dimension. In our 4D model, which is the underpinning of all of our work at 4D, we talk about human beings as often operating in 3 dimensions, our physical dimension, emotional dimension and intellectual dimension. When the 4th  dimension comes online, we start to ask “is this actually my intention,” “Is this the impact I want to have” “what do I really want to do?” You start to make choices that drive your 3 dimensions as opposed to your 3 dimensions driving you. After the meeting with her boss, Sally’s three-dimensional autopilot reaction was feeling physically anxious, emotionally angry and disappointed, and thinking that she was a victim who had been treated unfairly and had no power to change it. The 4A’s process we’ve offered you, brings your 4th dimension, that intentional dimension, online so that you can take control back around how you respond to life events. It’s the difference between the world happening to you and you happening to the world. We often use a quote attributed to Viktor Frankl, a Psychiatrist who lived through the Holocaust: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

 

The Freedom to Choose

 

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”

 

– Buddha

Next time you feel powerless, stop for a moment and take yourself through the 4A’s of taking back personal power: 1. Become aware of the stories playing out. 2. Ask yourself, is there a reality here I must accept in order to integrate and transcend? 3. Hold yourself accountable for your part in bringing the situation to life. Be conscious of the stories and language you’ve been using so that you can move from victim to creator. 4. Finally, ask what’s possible? What can I do to help the situation? Create an action point for taking back your personal power in any situation. What is in your control? And how can you change it? The choice is yours.

The 4D Podcast: Asking Permission vs Begging Forgiveness

The 4D Podcast: Asking Permission vs Begging Forgiveness

In this episode Philippa and Katie discuss Grace Hopper’s famous axiom:  “It’s better to beg forgiveness than ask permission.” Is it really better to beg forgiveness? The advantages to acting first apologising later, are that it encourages autonomy, creativity and innovative thinking. However, it can also lead to egotistic and self-centred behaviour. In contrast, asking for permission can be limiting, slow and frustrating. Yet, it’s also a behaviour that considers the wider impact of one’s actions. How can we hold this paradox and operate from both of these value sets, in order to better serve ourselves, our loved ones and our wider communities? 

The 4D Podcast: Mind the Gap

The 4D Podcast: Mind the Gap

In this episode Penelope Waller and Katie Churchman explore the gaps that show up in our lives. More specifically, the gap between how we think we’re being and how we’re actually being perceived. What happens when this gap gets too big? And how can we go about reducing or managing the gap so that we can see ourselves and our lives as they truly are? Join us as we ‘mind the gap’ and consider the everyday gaps that show up on social media, in our value sets and throughout our working lives. 

An Easter Ego…

An Easter Ego…

Learning to live, lead and love with a healthy ego

 

Ego gets a bad rap. We are told to transcend the ego, release from ego, fight the ego. And it has been singled out as one of the biggest hurdles in the discovery of the ‘true self.’  Yet, the majority of us don’t live on a mountain in the middle of the Himalayas where it might seem feasible to ‘starve the ego and feed the soul.’ We live in a world that incessantly provokes the ego. An ego that can protect and motivate us. As well as enrage and hijack us.

Developing and nurturing a robust and healthy ego is key to personal development and professional growth as it helps you to: lead from a place of vulnerability and courage; create a culture of openness and honesty; learn from mistakes; embrace failure; accept praise; become a systems thinker. We’re not interested in the size of your ego: this is about the state of your ego and how it can help you to live, lead and love with intentionality.

Ego triggers and traps

I’m in the midst of an ego-fuelled email exchange, and every line- no every punctuation mark- is pushing my buttons. I feel like I’m being baited to fight back, with provoking and petty messages reminiscent of a primary school playground. I’m trying my utmost to ‘consciously communicate my impact’ and yet I can’t seem to get through to this other human being. I’ve tried using all of my 4D tools and tricks to somehow connect and collaborate but every reply I receive back is like a concrete brick wall. Now a few years ago, I would have probably joined in with the same spiteful email exchange, adding even more fuel to the fire. However, thanks to a recent ego ‘health-kick’, I’ve been able to stop myself from ‘cutting off my nose to spite my face’. But what even is a healthy ego? And how can you get one too?

The Healthy Ego

 

Your EGO can be a wonderful thing. It is our developed sense of self in the world. And yes, an unhealthy defensive or fragile ego can be troublesome. It can lead to victim mode, contempt, scorn, defensiveness, undermining others, passive aggression, or straight up aggression. It is often coming from a place of fear. The ego believes others have the power to diminish it so either crumbles, self-punishes before someone else does or try to diminish someone else’s state to protect itself. The goal, however, is to use your intentionality to develop your HEALTHY EGO. A healthy ego isn’t dependent on other people to be whole and safe. It might enjoy praise or winning but it will not be devastated if these things don’t always happen. With a healthy ego you will be strong, resilient, confident in your abilities and honest about your amazing talents – as well as available to growth, happy to receive constructive feedback, curious in the face of conflict and able to acknowledge mistakes with a clear mind and open heart.


Here are 5 ways of developing and nurturing a healthy ego:

 
1. Co-create Conversation

 

Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, Dr. Daniel Siegel describes the brain as a ‘relationship organ.’ He’s spent over twenty years researching the profound influence of those around us, or what he calls “the neurobiology of ‘we’” and has discovered that emotions are what fire and wire neural interaction patterns in the brain and enable us to learn. Therefore the core drivers for human beings throughout life are relational and thus inseparably emotional in nature.

But what does this have to do with the ego?

What Siegel’s research shows us is that in order to nurture healthy, happy egos we need to make sure that our ego drives are linked to relationship goals. One simple way of doing this is by actively listening. Take the time to listen to others by being present as opposed to predicting what they are going to say. It’s simple yes, but not easy, particularly when we consider the fast paced, distraction-heavy, instant gratification culture that pervades our lives. Even if we’re not speaking over another person we may find ourselves thinking over them, by planning what we’re going to say next or thinking about how their story relates to us.

Someone with a healthy ego gives others the space to speak. And they don’t need to say what’s already been said. Instead, they build on ideas and co-create conversations as opposed to dictating and directing them. To quote Carlo Rovelli, author of ‘Seven Brief Lessons on Physics’ (which is as scientific as it is philosophical and political): “To better understand the world, I think, we shouldn’t reduce it to things. We should reduce it to happenings; and the happenings are always between different systems, always relations, or always like a kiss, which is something that happens between two persons.”

A great place to co-create conversations is during Q&As. In fact, I tend to love this part of a workshop as long as I lean in, stay curious and really listen to what is being said. This simple shift takes away the pressure to know all the answers and transforms questions and answers into collaborative conversations.


2. Accept praise

 

When I was around 12 years old I really struggled with my self-esteem. I’d recently started secondary school and anything that sounded remotely like a compliment had me turning bright red and feeling a deep sense of shame.  During this time, I remember my grandma telling me: “it’s rude to reject a compliment. Accept it properly, let it reach you and then say thank you.” Wise and wonderful advice that continues to help me develop a greater sense of self-worth to this day.

I’m sure many of you have had some experience with the embarrassment that so often surrounds praise. One of the more obvious ways we express this embarrassment is by batting away compliments. Perhaps a colleague praises you on your presentation and you find yourself saying: “oh it was nothing really. I had loads of help!” This is example of what I like to call a ‘compliment cringe’: you’re refusing to take in the praise (and are also unintentionally telling the person they are wrong!) Christopher Littlefield, recognition expert and founder of international consulting firm Acknowledgment Works, has uncovered a scientific explanation to why we find receiving compliments so hard. His research revealed that 88 percent of people associate recognition with a feeling of being valued, yet 70 percent also associate it with embarrassment. As he says in his Ted Talk: “We love recognition, but we suck at it.”

One study showed that people with low self-esteem “have difficulty accepting and capitalising on compliments.” This was primarily due to the fact that they doubted the compliments’ sincerity and believed that they were- on some level- being patronised. Interestingly, when the people were not thinking about a compliment in relation to their relatively negative self-theories or stories of themselves, they were able to accept and capitalise on compliments. In addition, there is now scientific validity showing that people perform better after receiving a compliment.

Learning to accept compliments helps to boost your performance and also helps to build healthy relationships, as it opens up the ground conditions upon which relationships can develop and grow. Lean in, stay curious and see what you can learn from another person’s compliment. Maybe you find it hard to comprehend why someone would like your crazy curls, or your energised hand gestures! But your story of yourself is just one story in 7 billion. One perspective. So why not use the next compliment you receive as an opportunity to explore the other positive narratives of You that are out there.


3. Make friends with failure

 

I’m so thankful for many of my so-called ‘failures’. Like not getting into drama school (three times!) At the time this felt like the biggest failure imaginable, personally, professionally and socially. Personally, because I wanted to prove to myself that I was good enough. Professionally because I was working in the industry and believed training was a right of pass; and socially because so many of my friends, family members and worst of all- fellow actors- knew I was auditioning. However, with hindsight I can see that this ‘failure’ wasn’t an end point, but a wonderful new beginning. It fired up another, totally unexpected adventure. To use the words of monk and author Robin Sharma: “the most successful people on the planet have failed more than the ordinary ones.” So, if you want to be successful you might as well start making friends with failure!

Failure is a big threat to the unhealthy ego. It undermines self-worth and can produce feelings of fear and powerlessness. Research has shown that we are more likely to blame failure on external factors like luck or the difficulty of the task. Yet, someone with a healthy ego sees failure as an inevitable part of life and as a unique opportunity to learn and grow. In his book ‘Black Box Thinking’ Matthew Syed states that: When failure is most threatening to our ego is when we need to learn most of all!” Someone with a healthy ego seizes these moments and sees them not as failure in the traditional sense, but as fuel for a greater fire because “a progressive attitude to failure turns out to be a cornerstone of success for any institution.”

In an interview for the Wall Street Journal, cartoonist Scott Adam’s, shared his wonderfully playful approach to failure: “If I find a cow turd on my front steps, I’m not satisfied knowing that I’ll be mentally prepared to find some future cow turd. I want to shovel that turd onto my garden and hope the cow returns every week so I never have to buy fertiliser again. Failure is a resource that can be managed.” Teacher and writer Jessica Lahey goes further, seeing failure as a gift. In her aptly titled parenting book, ‘The gift of failure’ she writes: “Out of love, and desire to protect our children’s self-esteem, we have bulldozed every uncomfortable bump and obstacle out of their way, clearing the manicured path we hoped would lead to success and happiness. Unfortunately, in doing so we have deprived our children of the important lessons of childhood. The setbacks, the mistakes, miscalculations, and failures we have shoves out of our children’s way are the very experiences that teach them how to be resourceful, persistent, innovative, and resilient citizens of this world.”

For the healthy ego, failure is a gift, for themselves and others. So, join us in reimagining ‘F.A.I.L.’ as an acronym for: Forever. Acquiring Important Lessons.

 

 4. Embrace vulnerability

 

Stand-up comedy has taught me a lot about the power of vulnerability. On one occasion I tried my hand at musical comedy, attempting to sing, play guitar and be funny… all at the same time! A triple threat that had me feeling much more nervous than usual. So, I decided to own my nerves, by singing all about the things that were wrong with my performance (like the fact that my guitar playing is pretty sub-par in spite of 10 years of lessons!) And I’m proud to say that my openness and honesty- presented in musical form- had the audience in stitches!

The unhealthy ego often self-identifies as a perfectionist. To use the words of Brené Brown Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: if I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimise the painful feelings of shame, judgment and blame.” Perfectionism acts as a great big wall that stops you from being seen and is in many ways the antithesis of vulnerability. The healthy ego encourages vulnerability and sees it as a strength and a powerful tool for connecting people. Because as some wise person once said: ‘love is giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting them not to.’ In order to create a culture of trust within our families, teams and organisations we must embrace the power of vulnerability.

Research by Paula Niedenthal, which tested the authenticity of a person’s smile, revealed how deeply we resonate with each other. This is why we are able to tell when someone is ‘putting on a show’ because we are able to register their surface level inauthenticity at a much deeper level. This is particularly true for leaders, as research has revealed that we are sensitive to trustworthiness and authenticity in our leaders.

Furthermore, vulnerability also positively affects how we see ourselves. Studies revealed that a state of authenticity “centres on contentment and social ease; or, in the case of inauthenticity, a lack thereof plus anxiety.” Tara Brach talks to this ‘social ease’ that comes with vulnerability in her latest podcast- ‘Releasing Ourselves and Others from Aversive Blame’: “We know that a lot of the humour in our society actually focuses on people’s mistakes because it relieves us when other people make mistakes.” So, reject perfection in favour of connection by embracing your human side- warts and all! It will help you develop a healthier ego, build deep bonds of trust and – as I discovered- might even provide you with some funny material for a stand-up set!


5. Look through a systems lens

 

A system is a group of interdependent entities aligned around a common purpose or identity (CRR Global). And systems are everywhere. There are more obvious systems like families, teams, a cast of actors. And less obvious systems in places such as:

  • The cinema: here we find lots of individual systems until the movie starts. Suddenly everyone stops talking and switches off their phone. It’s an unspoken code of conduct.
  • Up in the air: everyone on a plane is going in the same direction. This is their common purpose. But they are also all interdependent. Everyone has an individual purpose and also a shared

As the 4D model shows, we don’t exist in a vacuum: we are always being affected by cultural and environmental contexts. Another way to put this would be to say that we are always operating within systems. We are simultaneously interdependent and co-dependent. The unhealthy ego celebrates individualism, often at the expense of community and co-dependence. Take for example the air travel example above. As soon as the plane lands, everyone jumps out their seats, pushes to get into the aisle so that they can get their bag and claim their place in the queue to disembark the plane. However, everyone is wanting to disembark the plane. Everyone is heading in the same direction. But unfortunately, the passengers’ heavy focus on their individual goals quite often slows down the system and undermines its shared purpose. 

Someone with a healthy ego thinks about our relationships like a 3-legged stool.  

  • 1st Leg- I, Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
  • 2nd Leg- YOU, Social Intelligence (SI)
  • 3rd Leg- WE, Relationship Systems Intelligence (RSI)

The stool will lose its stability if one of its legs is wobbly. Or it will become unbalanced if one leg is longer than another. We need to nurture all 3 legs: our relationship with our self, our relationship with others and our relationships with our wider communities. The healthy ego recognises that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts and sees themselves as a part of whole network of systems. This is what is known as systems thinking, as it offers us a wider lens and a helicopter view of the ‘systems’ within which we exist. 


Have a healthy happy ego!

 

Ego health is the difference between the world happening to you and you happening to the world.  When we have a healthy ego, we are driving the show. And whilst there are many things out of our control- like other people’s responses on email- we can control our response, if we develop a robust and healthy ego. I can promise you that if you keep stepping in and ‘living in the arena’ (as Brené Brown likes to call it), your ego will be threatened time and time again. However, if you’ve developed a healthy ego, it will withstand these triggers and traps. If you don’t like the game that someone else is playing with your ego then you can change the game. Which is exactly what I did with my angry e-mail exchange. I ‘killed them with kindness’ so to speak, responding with relatively pleasant and proactive emails. And eventually, they started to do the same.

Be a game changer by developing a healthy ego for a happier world. Let’s make a positive impact, by changing the planet…one ego at a time!