Tips for banishing the burnt out bluff

Tips for banishing the burnt out bluff

Are you exhausted? Stressed? Burnt out? Beyond your capacity or just not coping?

Do you know friends and colleagues who would also say yes to these questions?

You’ve reached the end of your tether. We can all do it! We’ve all had those moments where our capacity bowl is so full that one bad bit of customer service, one smashed glass, one frustrating phone call with the electricity company or one set of unexpected roadworks can totally tip us over the edge. Until we are quite literally crying over spilt milk. I’m right with you… and it’s okay – we’re all human.

It’s one thing to recognise the symptoms of burnout or stress and to take time out to look after yourself. More and more we are seeing individuals and leaders who ignore or don’t recognise the stress signs and double down on their levels of overwhelm by putting on a public mask and working hard to make it seem they are coping fine. What we are calling the second pandemic – “the Pandemic of Pretence”. This pandemic is affecting those people and leaders who are ‘coping’ by putting on the jolly front, the positive facade, the happy face, who are feeling the necessity to act strong, motivate others, be the leader they feel they should be and push away or hide some of those very real feelings underneath.

The problem is that by putting on a front, we are actually doing ourselves far more harm than if we simply acknowledged that we are not entirely coping. The bigger the gap between how we feel we should show up in the world and how we are really feeling, the bigger our chances of even worse emotional burnout, mental fatigue and physical illness.

Not only that but in terms of your leadership skills, your performance and your creativity, you are far better off being in touch with what’s really going on for you than pretending. Pretence is neither a top performing, truly collaborative or highly creative space to be in. We are far more healthy, creative, connected and successful when we are in touch with our true selves and true talents. In other words, the real leader is the better leader.

So, if you know that you are putting on a front and inside you have a stressful or negative narrative that is a long way from that façade, then you might be contaiged by the pandemic of pretence. If you are only letting the world see your ‘turned out half or shopfront ‘ as psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott called it – then you are denying to others and to yourself what’s really going on and it might just be time to ‘get real!’ The more you close the gap between how you think you should be in the world and how you really feel the better you are serving yourself and others. So, let’s get real with some super practical tips on how to not only deal with burnout but deal with burnout bluff. Let’s say goodbye to the pandemic of pretence and get down with how we really feel – let’s get real.

Here are six tips to help you close that gap, reduce the pretence, get in touch with what’s really going on, be an even better colleague and turn up – not as a pretend leader – but as a truly Real Leader…in all 4 dimensions, all 2 contexts. The 4D2C of peak WellBeing, Leadership and Performance.

1. Physical Dimension

Slouch it! Tip one is change your posture.

Change your posture from stiff, upright and in fix, solve and ‘be brilliant’ mode to a posture that connects you more with your body and your self. Try moving from ‘solve it’ to ‘slouch it’. Lean over to your side, curl one foot under you and sit like you might sit chatting to a friend in the pub or on the sofa with a family member. Let your body tell you that you are relaxed, safe and simply connecting with your colleague or team member rather than bracing, fixing or solving all the time.

2. Emotional dimension

Open it! Take 20 seconds before your next meeting to check-in with the feeling in your belly.

Stop trying to push it away or hide from it but imagine it is a message that needs opening up and reading. Ask the challenging feeling in your belly or chest… What are you trying to tell me? What do you want right now? What are you telling me I need? The more we push our emotions away the more harm we are doing to ourselves. Emotions aren’t the problem, ignoring them is. Your emotions are simply messengers that are trying to tell you something. Is your feeling anger, sadness, frustration, or fear? If you grab that emotion and open it up – what’s the message inside? Do you need a break, do you need to call a friend, do you need some help? What’s the message inside the emotion? This is a brilliant tool for breaking the pandemic of pretence, helping you close the gap between who you think you should be and how you’re really feeling.

3. Intellectual dimension

Refocus it!

We are really good when we are stressed and burnt out at gathering further evidence that things are difficult or going to go badly. We can start worrying and our intellectual dimension goes into overdrive with overthinking. Retrain your intellect to focus on safety cues… What is working well, who is helping you, who does have your back, what is fun about this project, what are the possibilities? When you shift from looking for danger cues to seeking out safety cues you’re changing your internal chemistry and closing the gap between your negative fear and your positive pretence.

4. Intentional dimension

Shift it!

So much of our education teaches us to fix and solve, to know and to be right. When we go into conversations with colleagues or burnt-out team members, trying to fix everything is just more stressful for them – and for you. Try going into these conversations and meetings with ‘curiosity.’ Set your intention to be curious and suddenly you take the pressure off yourself to know, to be right or to fix things. All you have to do is be open and explore and be curious. Curiosity is one of the best intentions we can hold to get our nervous systems in a really good place. Now we don’t have to pretend to be positive and know everything. We can sit in the far less stressful state of simple curiosity.

Context 1: The Environment

Move it! If your office desk has become a location of stress, then change your environment.

Try taking the next meeting on a walk or in your armchair or on your sofa. Use your environment to signal to your body that you are in a relaxed, calm and safe state. Our environment has a huge impact on our state. Your physical state is the foundation of your WellBeing, Leadership and Performance. Take your next call in a different place where you feel different. Where the Netflix watching, popcorn eating, laughing, joking version of yourself can chill out and be relaxed in conversation with colleagues!

Context 2: Relationships

Slow it!

What we mean by this is take 10 seconds before your next meeting to slow your physiology down. The more we run at a crazy rate the more our nervous system goes into fight or flight. When this happens, and the more harm we are doing ourselves and the more we are stressing out other people out around us. Slow it down. Imagine a parent shouting and screaming and stressing at a baby to eat its food. Imagine what that is doing to the baby’s nervous system. When a parent slows down and self-regulates, they teach the baby to regulate itself and that the world is safe. You too can do this for your colleagues and your team members. Slow it down, regulate your own pace and you will be doing incredible, wonderful things for your colleagues’ nervous systems. The biggest gift you can give is the gift of slowing it down. Nothing gets in the way of the pandemic of pretence more than slowing things down!

We hope you enjoy your six tips to go from burnout bluff and the pandemic of pretence, to being more of the real you and the real leader that actually has far more to offer is far more creative and much more inspirational than the pretend version of you. Have the courage and take the risk to close that gap, be real with yourself and real with others so you can really be the leader and the human being you know you can be.

 

For more information, please visit the workplace wellbeing page on our newly updated website – https://www.4dhumanbeing.com/training-programmes/4d-workplace-wellbeing/

 

Before you go…

Make sure to check out our most recent podcasts on integrating life and work – episodes include – Stay Well. Stay Creative, Creative Leadership interviews with 4 Theatre Directors, WellBeing with Jessie Pavelka, Fluid Living and Going Hybrid! Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, just search ‘The 4D Human Being Podcast‘.
Hybrid Working in 2021

Hybrid Working in 2021

We are all talking Hybrid Working!

It’s coming and for some it has already arrived. When people talk about hybrid working, they are usually talking about the split between working from home and from the office or a mix of people WFH and WFO (Working From the Office).

We know this hybrid working is happening (the WHAT) and we know WHY this is happening. This shift has been accelerated by the Covid-19 pandemic. What we really need to be talking about is the ‘HOW’ !? How we make an impact in a hybrid world, how we hold meetings and give presentations. Engaging teams and being able to inspire customers whilst maximising attendees participation are key elements to a  successful delivery & impactful communication, which can be translated into successful business. 

Research suggest that “The main challenge will be ensuring collaboration remains equitable, with half of meeting attendees in the room and half dialling in over video, and that methods of communication remain consistent.” That is what we are good at, at 4D. This challenge of hybrid will only be a challenge if companies don’t help their leaders and people become experts at facilitating and communicating in a hybrid world.

Leaders now need the skills to unify, connect and engage people across both mediums simultaneously – in other words, they need to be highly creative hybrid leaders. As experts in communication, 4D can help you and your people discover the tools and methods to bridge these worlds and to unite an online and live workforce into a shared, productive and powerful experience.

How we can help

4D Human Being designs and runs engaging interactive seminars, workshops, trainings and keynote on mastering the art of communicating in a hybrid world. We can help you learn the tools to navigate both worlds – to bring people together, to use creative tech to break down location boundaries, to maximize your personal impact, to engage both online attendees and those in the room.

Furthermore, once experiencing the 4D communication program, you will be able to understand how to adapt presentations, meetings, material and questions to make sure everyone feels engaged and contributing. All of these elements are vital to a strong and resilient communication – the foundation of a successful business. Find out more specifics on how to make an impact during Hybrid Working here.

To make sure you and your leaders have the skills to navigate a hybrid world and to ensure your workforce have a very ‘Happy Hybrid’, do get in touch with us at 4D penelope@4dhumanbeing.com.

Email us at philippa@4dhumanbeing.com to find out more or get in touch below!

 

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Living and Leading with Impact

Living and Leading with Impact

Living and Leading with Impact

 

It’s all very well spending hours, months and thousands of pounds trying to understand your values, your purpose and your mission. Far too often, that never gets translated into behaviour. Ultimately, it is the impact you, your colleagues and your employees have on each other and your clients that will dictate your culture, narrative and success. As we return to the new normal, right now is the perfect time to think about the ‘new you’ at work – new ways of communicating, new choices and making a new impact.

We talk a lot about impact but what actually is impact

You can think of impact as having 6 elements:

1. It’s how you show up
2. How you communicate
3. How you respond
4. How you feel
5. How other people feel about you
6. How people then talk about you – today, tomorrow, into the future and when you’re not in in the room

That is your Impact.

Impact and communication is not just the icing on top of the cake – it’s who we are and our life experience. We are not who we are without all our qualities and relationships, successes and failures and then we add on the communication in the impact. It’s the complete reverse. As physicist Carlo Rovelli says: “we are the sum of our interactions.” In other words – how you communicate, how you impact other people and how you show up in relationships will completely determine your experience of yourself, your career and life.

Every single moment of every interaction, your impact is dictating who you are and how you will live your life. The idea that ‘leadership impact’ is somehow an ‘add-on’ is quite frankly crazy. Your impact as a leader is who you are, as a leader. It will inform whether people follow you, whether you can make things happen, whether you can create change or bring a strategy to life. All of this will come down to your interactions and your impact.

Top tips on creating an intentional impact:

1. Energy

Energy is everything. The energy you emit will determine how much of an impact you make. Are you making an energetic impact on others?

 

2. Intention

Are you thinking beyond tasks and meetings to how you actually want the people around you to FEEL?

 

3. Language

What words are you using about yourself and your work? Because that’s how people will then talk about you.

 

4. When things go wrong

As a leader your Impact in times of crisis, change or conflict will determine who you are and how people experience you almost more than any other time.

 

5. Be the author of you

Imagine for one day, that every single moment of that day, you are writing the brand or story of you. Not just with the words you use but with the way you physically show up, your posture, your attitude towards people, the eye contact you make or whether you smile or not… every single moment is building the story of you.

We may all aspire to live our deepest values and to believe we are aligned every moment of every day to our higher purpose but the truth is that actions speak louder than words. It’s not until we make conscious choices around our behaviours and attitudes that we can truly make the leadership impact we want to make.

How we can help

At 4D we are passionate about helping you expand you range to make the Impact you want to make and enabling organisations to build a culture of integrity, inclusion and inspiration. Now is the time to take on some new Impact tools for the ‘new you‘ in the new normal.

We are delighted to announce for the very first time, our successful 4D courses are available as open programmes and we are super excited to bring the 4D Human Being Experience to an even wider audience. The first open course program will be starting June 14th with our highly requested – “4D Essential Leadership Communication.” 

Email us at philippa@4dhumanbeing.com to find out more or get in touch below!

 

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Back to work…

Back to work…

More and more people are talking about the reality of going back to work. What does that mean? What will it look like? While on one hand we can celebrate the light at the end of the tunnel and the chance to return to what we are calling the new normal, on the other hand lots of us are experiencing anxiety at this next phase.

Issues that are coming up include how will we agree social distancing? What is okay in terms of boundaries? Will I be expected to go straight back to networking? What stories, narratives, tragedies and difficult emotions will I and others be bringing back to our workplace?

Many of us face these anxieties or at least the thought of them coming soon. While the uncertainty continues, this moment is also a wonderful opportunity to press reset and to make some conscious choices.

Going back to the workplace after such a long time gives us all the chance to make some clear choices around our behaviours and intentions. We have a chance to make a conscious and a positive new ‘first impression’ and set the tone for how we want to be and be seen from now on. So as well as acknowledging the challenges ahead, we can also grab this moment and get excited by the new page we are turning; start writing ourselves a new chapter. Here are some thoughts and tips on how you can take care of your own well-being and re-launch into this new phase with energy, self care and positivity.

 

1. Engage the platinum rule…

We are all different and this is an important time to respect our own choices and those of others and that they will be different.

 

2. Look behind…

If people make choices that you don’t like try looking behind the choice for challenges, anxieties and reasons that may inform their decisions. We are all different and we are all complex. Look behind for the wider story to connect to others with empathy.

 

3. Re-launch your brand…

This is a wonderful time to make that new first impression. You can choose that first moment of impact and set a new tone for who you are in the workplace.

 

4. Micro moments…

We are all bringing a lot back to the workplace. You don’t have to empty your year of narrative in one go. Take it easy moment by moment and keep it simple with a ‘good to see you’ or a shared coffee break. Your Covid experiences suitcase can be unpacked slowly and you might even choose to leave some things safely tucked inside.

 

5. Big boundaries…

Use this reset opportunity to set the boundaries on your time and stress levels that perhaps you always wanted to set. You, your team, your colleagues and your workplace will be more focused than ever on well-being. Use this moment to make sure you take care of yours. 

 

How we can help

The 4D team can really help you take charge of your energy and well-being in all 4 Dimensions. Focussing in turn on your: Physical, Emotional, Mental and Relational wellbeing. Our impactful and practical 4D Energiser Program has just the right tools, insights, care and fun to help you, your team and your organisation re-activate the well-being, creativity and energy that will make 2021 the game changing turnaround year, that you can all be proud of.

Treat your team to the 4D Energiser Program, now! Only ONE hour a week, for ONE month, to ensure a super-charged and successful launch into the year ahead.

Email us at philippa@4dhumanbeing.com to find out more or get in touch below!

 

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Let Go to Let In

Let Go to Let In

 Let go, to let in!

After a tough year, the 4D Energiser programme is all about getting you, your people and your organisation back to thriving.

It really feels like time to hit refresh, to turn the page on a tough year and reboot the system. Sometimes, we need to make room for new and positive changes, as well as new and positive energy in our lives.

So, if you are looking for more wellbeing, energy and motivation at the moment, it’s time to “let go, to let in.” Let go of the old, the unhelpful and the negative to let in the new, the exciting and the expansive. As the great writer and professor on human Experience, Joseph Campbell said: “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

It’s over a year since the pandemic started and we are all now going into various stages of lockdown and disconnection from loved ones and colleagues. The year has brought it’s stresses, strains and sadness for a great number of us. Many of us will feel our wellbeing has been impacted and at 4D we are aware of the support many teams, leaders and organisations are looking for to help re-energise their people and take care of the well-being of their employees.

The spring is a wonderful time to think about letting go of the tired energy, emotions and baggage to give space for new narratives and possibilities to blossom and flourish. Here are a few practical tips you can think about to let go, lighten your load and increase your own, your loved ones’ and your colleagues’ well-being this spring.

1. Physically let go

Take a moment to scan your body. What muscles are you tensing and holding unnecessarily? Many of us hold our shoulders, legs, jaw, stomach – wasting and draining our energy. Holding tension is associated with anxiety. Simply releasing and letting go of unnecessary tension will kick start your parasympathetic nervous system and signal to your brain that your anxiety has reduced. Give it a go and drop that tension, to instantly increase your well-being.

2. Say “NO” to negative narratives

Whether it is a question of forgiving someone else or changing your negative internal narrative, there are so many health benefits to letting go of toxic thoughts. Telling a different, positive story will allow your brain to build new and inspiring pathways.

3. Boot out bogus beliefs

Let go of beliefs that simply aren’t true anymore, if they ever were. Sometimes, we have been holding onto beliefs because we were told them when we were young or because they are social myths that no one has questioned. Health Psychologist Kelly Mcgonigal has researched a wonderful example of this. She found that it is not stress that kills 20,000 Americans a year, it is the BELIEF that stress is bad that kills them. People who viewed stress more positively and believed they could cope, didn’t die of stress. What belief could you drop about yourself, your workplace or the world is weighing you down right now?

4. Drop the diary and move through each moment

So many of us wake up on a Monday morning holding the whole day, week or month diary in our heads. That’s a LOT to hold. Letting go of your whole diary and simply choosing to move through each hour, of each day is far better for our wellbeing. Try only holding your next meeting or event in mind. Finish it, take a deep calming breath, reset and then look at the next appointment! Let go of your mental schedule and start simply being in the conversation you are actually having.

There are so many health benefits to letting go, of getting back to the present, trusting you are good enough and simply saying yes to the present moment. View my TEDx Talk on this subject here.

Finally, while many of us had plans that the pandemic spoiled, we are where we are and there are new opportunities available if we clear the space to look for and create them. Someone said to me the other day in reference to the Covid crisis – “What do I do when my dreams have been ruined?” I simply said, “Let go of the past, start from where you are…and dream again.”

How we can help

The 4D team can really help you take charge of your energy and well-being in all 4 Dimensions. Focussing in turn on your: Physical, Emotional, Mental and Relational well-being. Our impactful and practical 4D Energiser Program has just the right tools, insights, care and fun to help you, your team and your organisation re-activate the well-being, creativity and energy that will make 2021 the game changing turnaround year, that you can all be proud of.

Treat your team to the 4D Energiser Program, now! Only ONE hour a week, for ONE month, to ensure a super-charged and successful launch into the year ahead.

Email us at philippa@4dhumanbeing.com to find out more or get in touch below!

 

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